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| Prom 2003: A night to remember Prom hit outta nowhere like a Tim Beiber anxiety attack. We here at the SFP new it was going to be special when it was announced last week that legend himself Mark Hirschman would be going with Toad's former girlfriend Monica Murphy. But then, a few days prior to prom, it was announced over a public press conference held at his house that Central Catholic lunatic, foodland worker, and mob boss Phil DiRenzo (brother of superlegend Tony Direnzo) would be going to prom with none other than senior Leslie Larkin, (sister of the broken hand himself, Anthony J Larkin). Then, a mere 24 hours earlier SFP insider Jason Ritter announced he was going to prom with an un-named senior. Early in the evening before prom, it was quite aware that this prom would be a totally psychotic night. While up on Mt. Washington taking pictures before prom, senior Michael Ford tossed a random kid off of one of those lookout points into the forest below. When asked what the kid did to piss him off, Ford commented "he picked up my fucking camara to take pictures," as he coued to punch our interviewer. Then, as dinner started, a few trends popped up. 1) Nick Tolomeo was trying to win the best dressed prom outfit with his white tophat and white cane that he tried to beat people over the head with. 2) former football star Joe Weidner was at the prom only for the food and playing poker, which he did all night. 3) activities director Sue Fisher was drunk already, missing every persons hand in the typical handshake before prom ritual. 4) Dave Killian and Kara Kleber went together and neither of them were seniors. As dancing started, it was really apparent that Build-a-bear queer junior Andrew Palaniuk tried bump n grinding everyone's date there, getting everyone pissed and seemingly getting his ass kicked in a nearby alley. Jim aka Donkeylips, hailing outta Fox Chapel, wasnt doing much in winning the "Prom date with Kristen Steedle" sweepsteakes held rite here at SFP headquarters. Steedle quickly got annoyed with this random legend and made him jealous by giving everyone in the tri-state area a lapdance except for him. "Yeah, he really annoyed me and he was the best guy out of all the ones who entered the sweepsteakes? wow, shoot me now," said Steedle. Crowdsurfing was definitely the thing to do at this years dance. It was practiced again and again by drunken lunatics, which was pretty much everyone. In other prom news, soccer star Matt Sundo brought his good friend Mark Mitro to prom and promptly made out with the fat queer on the dancefloor duirng the last slow dance. Other events included Tim Beiber running around prom with no shirt on for no apparent reason, Mark Hirschman declaring his love for the SFP, Phil DiRenzo and Jason Ritter doing the legendary "Sandstorm dance" perfected and debuted by Toad and Ritter at last years prom, and a no-show by Shytown herself, Stephanie Gramc, who is going to Clemson U next year and wouldnt ya know it? Her hair and face are the same color as the school's....orange. Anyways, this years prom was out of control as we say goodbye to those who made the SFP great and will continue to in the future, here's to next years prom which will be even more insane!! back to home |
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