 |
|
|
|
|
| News Desk SFP Vinyl Afropostale SFPSports SFPhotos History MultiMedia Rumors Home |
||||
| Shaler Free Press: Dead or Born Again? by Entertainment Magazine In a recent press conference by the editor himself (behind closed doors), he annouced the yet again return of the Shaler Free Press, the predigious seemingly bankrupt company out of Glenshaw, Pennsylvania with the most popular website in modern history. Although the Shaler Free Press has only been around for over a year and a half, the Shaler Free Press accumulated more fans around the globe than all 4 major sports combined and has been the center of controversy since its birth. At the nationally televised press conference tuned in by over a billion people around the globe, a spokesmen for the Shaler Free Press said, in a brief statement: "We here at the Shaler Free Press have been working for months around the clock and have thought long and hard on this and we have decided that because of overwhelming demand and nobody that has stepped up to the plate and created much competition, we have decided to reorganize and bring back the Shaler Free Press." Instantly, around the world, enemies began hugging each other, India and Pakistan not only made up, but did us a favor and finally cut our fucking lawns, Osama bin laden was captured, priests began to mess around with real women instead of little boys, and in Millvale there was one lonely bar of soap spotted. Here's the official Shaler Free Press timeline: December 1, 2000- Starting off as a website to rip on Chris Gayton, the Shaler Free Press is created by 2 legends. December 6, 2000- A small group of people look at the site and call it the greatest thing since the invention of the handgun. Mid December- The site gets a little more hits everyday with the help of advertising all around Shaler High. Shaler Free Press name is bought. December 23, 2000- In the wake of the Xmas spirit, the Shop N Save Mafia story is created which makes the site an instant success. January 2, 2001- Shaler Free Press causes some controversy as the hits go off the charts. Brian Charnock, Sam Mula, and Chaz Bolte organize a group to overthrow the site. Mid January, 2001- Nick Tolomeo Stanish and 2 others hired to work for the SFP. January 12, 2001- In a stunning turn of events, Principal William Suit sees the site and immediately orders the suspensions of Tolomeo Stanish and Matt Mckown along with detentions for Brett Slezak and Tony DiRenzo then immediately becomes the site's biggest fan. January 21, 2001- The site is hacked for the first time. The culprit is unknown and a long investigation takes place. March 13, 2001- With the Shaler Free Press seemingly down and out, it is learned that Derek Schindler aka the button-down mullet hacked the site at the request of Jill Rizzo, the girlfriend of an SFP-employee in attempt to gain the total attention of Tolomeo Stanish. March 14, 2001- Schindler recieves dozens of death threats and fears for his life at school. April, 2001- While the Shaler Free Press is still extinct, they show life by hiring 4 new legends, including Jim Buckley and Gary Albarth, who immediately threaten Schindler at gunpoint for hacking the beloved site. Shortly thereafter, Schindler enters the witness protection program for the summer. June 7, 2001- Buckley does the unthinkable and in a turn of events nobody (not even shawn butler) could believe and gets the site back into the Shaler Free Press' hands. June 8, 2001- The SFP annouces a comeback effective immediately and even annouces some new hirings for the summer, among them Shaler's biggest psycho, Brian Hall. June, 2001- The rest of the month the SFP enjoyed major success once again, gaining more fans than ever before, along with many new faggot enemies. July 21, 2001- The second hack of the site takes place. Another investigation is pending, no known suspects , although the lead suspect is known queer and Millvale Dirtball creator Kevin Herbold. July 24, 2001- When figured out that it was physically impossible for Herbold to have hacked the site, the SFP turned their attention to Tyler Krampe, a noted SFP-hater. An interview was scheduled but nothing took place in the case. July 31, 2001- Schindler comes out of witness protection program on a mission to help out the site. He sets up an all-new site for them but the site quickly cgoes down because of lack of funds. August 8, 2001- In possibly the greatest moment in the sites history, Chris Gayton has somehow generated funds to bring the Shaler Free Press finally out of bankruptcy. Him and his group, Dirtballs Corp, loan the Shaler Free Press money it needs to operate. August, 2001- The site continues to pick me more hits than ever before as Schindler, Herbold, Matt Sullivan, Ashley Kane, and Tom Moran along with 25 others head the greatest lineup the SFP has ever seen. August 23, 2001- In the wake of the most successful ERA the Shaler Free Press has ever seen, a huge dispute occurs as to who actually owns the most popular website anyone has ever seen. August 25, 2001- Gayton's group emerges and takes the SFP name from the orginal creator Ritter. September 2, 2001- The start of the school year still raised a question in who will win the SFP case, Nick Tolomeo, the 3rd in command, takes control for the orginal trio of the site from Gayton's people by obtaining the password. September 7, 2001- For one day and one day only, 9th grader Shannon O'Neil takes control of the site, hits fall by 90% in that day. September 8, 2002- Adam Panas, an avid fan of the site, learns the password only to change it for himself. September 10, 2001- Schindler gets the pasword and gives it back into the hands of the orginal owners. September, 2001- The Shaler Free Press gets nearly as big as Ritter himself, with a long and gruling tour ahead, president George W.Bush, along with 100 or so other nations, surrender to the SFP, October 4, 2001- The downfall of the Shaler Free Press starts here. SFP writers Herbold and Ritter get into a fight. 10 mins later, with a black eye, Herbold hacks the site. October9, 2001- The site is rebuilt and Herbold gives up, the hits still keep on coming October 11, 2001- John Bachman, Adam Sirianni, and others form an alliance against the Shaler Free Press October 16, 2001- In a day that will go down in history, Jim Buckley turns against the site and hacks it, nearly bringing everything down. October 19, 2001- While Ritter-DiRenzo-Tolomeo and company try to bring the site back for the people, the site is hacked again out of nowhere by an unknown person who renamed the site "sirianni free press". October 23, 2002- After talking to Sirianni, he was eliminated from the suspect list . The probable hacker was Jim Giel. November 5, 2001- The Shaler Free Press resembles a new site with the help of Snoop Froggy Frog (Toad) and a few others November, 2001- Ritter-DiRenzo-Tolomeo are sick of bringing the site back only to have it hacked by people who are scared the ?SFP will take over the world. They do not update the new site very much. November 21, 2001- Almost one year to the day of the SFP's creation, Jim Buckley hacks the site for a final time. Looks like the SFP's time is over. January 1, 2002- Despite not existing, the Shaler Free Press website is Time Magazine's website of the millenium. Ritter-DiRenzo-Tolomeo are named men of the year. April, 2002- After 4 quiet months, there's some talk brewing that the Shaler Free Press may be coming back. June 1, 2002- Ritter gives permission to 3 other people he trusts with the site and sells them the site name, effective immediately. June 10, 2002- The new Shaler Free Press site emerges right out of bankruptcy. back to home |
||||
